It's been 4 weeks since Grayson was born. His 1 month Heavenly birthday is tomorrow. While I probably should be writing alot right now, I'm having a hard time with what to write since Grayson isn't physically with me. Even though we lost Grayson, it seems almost as if life has continued on which is really ironic. It didn't stop.
Everything has settled down for the most part and I do have alot more peace than I thought. I imagined I would by lying in my bed everday not wanting to get up. God has truly continued carrying me and providing me with so much peace. That's all there is to it. I don't really know how to explain it any other way. It's funny how you hear so many different responses and opinions about what others would have done in your situation. Some have said they couldn't have done it, others say they just don't know. I have a really hard time understanding how people who have children wouldn't choose life regardless of the outcome. It's your child. It's almost like saying that if you find out your child has cancer or some life threatening disease you would just not want to deal with them either. I don't know, maybe it just really upsets me.
I hope that if people don't gain anything else from Grayson's life and journey here....they get life. By life I mean, the purpose. Jesus. God is the giver of life. He is the one who takes away. God allowed Patrick and I to conceive Grayson back in June of 2011. We had no idea what would happen in the end. God did. He knew what Grayson's purpose was...8 hours or 20 years. Everyone can live knowing that each minute counts. That each word and thoughtful gesture makes a difference.