Our Miracle is Here

Our Miracle is Here
Welcome Little Angel Grayson James Walker

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Time Flies

It's been 4 weeks since Grayson was born.  His 1 month Heavenly birthday is tomorrow.  While I probably should be writing alot right now, I'm having a hard time with what to write since Grayson isn't physically with me.  Even though we lost Grayson, it seems almost as if life has continued on which is really ironic.  It didn't stop.

 Everything has settled down for the most part and I do have alot more peace than I thought.  I imagined I would by lying in my bed everday not wanting to get up.  God has truly continued carrying me and providing me with so much peace.  That's all there is to it.  I don't really know how to explain it any other way.  It's funny how you hear so many different responses and opinions about what others would have done in your situation.  Some have said they couldn't have done it, others say they just don't know.  I have a really hard time understanding how people who have children wouldn't choose life regardless of the outcome.  It's your child. It's almost like saying that if you find out your child has cancer or some life threatening disease you would just not want to deal with them either.  I don't know, maybe it just really upsets me.

I hope that if people don't gain anything else from Grayson's life and journey here....they get life.  By life I mean, the purpose.  Jesus.  God is the giver of life.  He is the one who takes away.  God allowed Patrick and I to conceive Grayson back in June of 2011.  We had no idea what would happen in the end.  God did.  He knew what Grayson's purpose was...8 hours or 20 years.  Everyone can live knowing that each minute counts. That each word and thoughtful gesture makes a difference.

8 comments:

  1. You and your family are truly inspiring. I wish I could just give you a big bear hug and truly convey to you just how beautifully you have handled this. You are completely right that you have completed what God intended for you to do in regards to being Grayson's family.

    I have been following your story for a few weeks and each time I read your posts, I am so touched. I can't imagine the hurt and confusion of going through such a situation, but God brings such peace and your's and Grayson's story is bound to bring clarity to many people who lack understanding about what we are put on this earth for.

    There is so much more I would love to say but between the fact that I am already rambling and the knowing that there really aren't any words to express the mingled joy and love and sadness I feel reading about your beautiful family, I will go now :) God bless you and continue to bring peace and healing to you!

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  2. It is interesting to hear peoples opinions on how they would have done things if they were in our position. I was talking to someone back in Feb around the time that you had Grayson and he asked me why I carried to term. He said he didn't understand if our babies aren't going to make it anyways, why wouldn't we just end the pregnancy? I was shocked and about to yell at him. Afterall, he knew my beliefs on abortion. I think God gave me the ability to control myself in order to make my point. I very calmly told asked him if Jacob were to get cancer now at 4 years old and the Dr. told me he had 6 months to live should I end his life now and get it over with? Whether or not he agreed, I don't know. But he thought about it. He had no argument at that point.
    It always amazes me how people can just end the life of their son or daughter.
    Love ya!

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  3. I have tears running down my face and my nose is all stuffy after reading about Grayson and watching your videos. Thank you for sharing his story. I quoted you on my facebook status just now "Everyone can live knowing that each minute counts. That each word and thoughtful gesture makes a difference." Love that! Also I posted the link about Facebook taking Grayson's pictures down and posted this blog on my wall. His purpose was for everyone to know him and I am happy to have been able to learn about him.

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  4. My heart is full of love for your beautiful Grayson. I am so glad you were able to carry him, know him and even hold him for a short bit. I can't even comprehend any other decision. Despite the pain of losing him, I can tell that you count yourself a lucky mom to have had him in your life. And I know that he will be waiting in Heaven to thank you for your selfish sacrifice. What an amazing reunion that will be!!

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    1. God will be clapping with honor and the angels will sing for such a selfless mother that gave her son a chance to do what God intended for him. What a proud moment that will be. I honor her decision to embrace his life for what it was and is. Nothing can prove more to God your honor to him then to love the way he does.

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  5. Thank you for sharing your experience on your blog. We also had a child with anencephaly. She was so precious, just like your beautiful boy, Grayson. I'd like to share some words of hope that have helped us regarding Christ's resurrection and the future resurrection of all God's children through Jesus Christ. I hope you don't mind.

    At the funeral of two-year-old Marian Lyon, Joseph Smith said: “We have again the warning voice sounded in our midst, which shows the uncertainty of human life; and in my leisure moments I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …

    “… The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope.”5

    “A question may be asked—‘Will mothers have their children in eternity?’ Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid.”

    “Children … must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants with the same glory—the same loveliness in the celestial glory.”

    President Joseph F. Smith, the sixth President of the Church, reported: “Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and, pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: ‘You will have the joy, the pleasure and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.’ …


    Mary Isabella Horne and Leonora Cannon Taylor each lost a young child in death. Sister Horne recalled that the Prophet Joseph Smith gave the two sisters these words of comfort: “He told us that we should receive those children in the morning of the resurrection just as we laid them down, in purity and innocence, and we should nourish and care for them as their mothers. He said that children would be raised in the resurrection just as they were laid down,"

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  6. I just want to say that I love you and your family. Your family and yourself are truly an amazing gift to us all. Without this beautiful child, Grayson, I would have never learned the value of a difficult situation. I am truly blessed b/c he taught me through you and the others here commenting that I have the choice to be a stronger person through difficult situations. God is not someone that doesn't hold your hand when you need it, he is always there to light the way. I struggle with depression and anxiety but after reading Grayson's story and realizing that you and your family have made it through this difficult time, I know that I can do the same. It's so bittersweet to read what you have experienced. I am a mother of two and I couldn't imagine going through the loss of a child but also helping my other 2 children through the loss of their sibling. God bless you, your husband, your beautiful children, and everyone that is near and dear to your hearts. Your story literally made me get up out of my bed and into my children's to kiss their foreheads and just praise the lord that I had them here with me. I believe that although, facebook did a dishonorable act, they also gave Grayson's story a chance to really be heard. Although it wasn't positive the way they went about it, I like many others had the chance to read about and experience his beautiful and unimaginably important life. God be with you and I know that God is with Grayson and Grayson is with you, always. God bless you Grayson James, your work here on Earth is bigger then any of us can comprehend.

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  7. hi there! I am another anencephaly mamma. My sweet briar was induced at 33 weeks because I had severe hydronephrosis.....they continued to drain my fluid and it would just blow me back up. I cherished my moments with my little man. We found out about the anencephaly at 11 weeks. I was glad that your story was made so public on facebook. These babies are a blessing, and amazing gift. I will pray that the Lord will use your story to touch others!

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