Our Miracle is Here

Our Miracle is Here
Welcome Little Angel Grayson James Walker

Monday, January 23, 2012

My New Friend

I recently met another mommy whose baby girl had anencephaly.  She came over to my house a few weeks ago and we talked for hours.  The most interesting thing about how we met is that two different people connected me with her.  One of the people I teach with, and the other I randomly talked to a fabric store.  One of the teachers I teach with told me about a young lady whom she believed had a baby two years ago with anencephaly.  I was shocked to find out that there may be someone I could talk to.  She gave me the girl's letter and phone number about a month before Christmas, but I didn't call. I wasn't sure what to say and was just busy with the holidays.  I continued to think about talking to her and finding out how she went through her journey.

Christmas time came and my sister in law and I were at Hancock's.  We were looking for fabric for Ellie, Noah, and Grayson's appliques.  I wanted to find the perfect fabric for the outfits that they would wear to welcome Grayson.  We were talking about how to do appliques and a lady started explaining to us how easy it was.  She talked about her business and her grandchildren.  She reassured us that it wouldn't be too hard.  I walked off for a few minutes to continue looking at different fabrics.  When I returned, the lady had tears in her eyes. I figured that Candy must have told her about Grayson.  No quicker than I could say something about him, she said that she couldn't believe it.  She knew someone whose baby had anencephaly.  Wow, I could talk to two women about their journeys through anencephaly.  As we talked, she told us that she knew it must be God that we met.  She actually started a line of dresses to remember the baby.  I was so excited.  She said that I should really meet this young lady, and we exchanged numbers.

I couldn't wait to talk to both of these women.  Two days later, Mary called me and emailed me.  After reading her email, I got the chills.  She informed me that in two months time, two different women had passed along her information to women who were having babies with anencephaly.  Little did she know that I was the same person whom both of these women gave the information to.  We talked for a while after I called her and planned to meet the following Saturday.  I felt so relieved to know that I could have someone to talk to and bond with that had been through the very same thing.  The reason this was so special was because 98% of women who find out they're having a baby with anencephaly terminate their pregnancy.  This means that there aren't alot of people to talk to, especially in the same city.

I am sure that Mary and I will have a friendship that lasts for years to come.  She has already offered so much support about everything.  We looked at pictures of her little girl and talked about both of our angels.  God has blessed her so much and helped her.  I know He is going to do the same for me because He has promised me this because I am his child.

Saturday, January 21, 2012


A week ago I went to the hospital because of contractions and lower back cramping and pain.  We arrived at the hospital and my nerves started to get the best of me.  I was lying in the hospital bed hoping I wasn't in actual labor because I knew Grayson needed more time to grow and develop.  I also wasn't ready to have him.  I got scared and anxious so quickly as I looked at the little plastic baby bed that I've seen 2 times before.  I couldn't help but think that Grayson might not get to lay in that little bed very long.  I know that Patrick and I will hold him every second, but I'd love to lay next to him like I did with Ellie and Noah.  I remember watching them move around in that little plastic bed.  They would make those little gurgle noises and Patrick and I would just stare in amazement.  God only knows what lies ahead for us.  Maybe we will have the opportunity to watch him move around and make those little gurgle noises.

After hours of monitoring the contractions and making sure there were no other complications, the nurse gave me a shot to stop the contractions.  I was relieved that I would be able to go home and enjoy more time with my little boy.  Patrick and I were both relieved because we knew and I know that God knew it wasn't time.

I rested for the next few days and continued to experience the back pain and mild contractions.  Heating pads and warm baths are wonderful, but sometimes they don't help.  I started feeling somewhat better and returned to work.  As I went to school each day, I continued having the lower back cramps and contractions.  I attempted to finish out the whole week but didn't return today.  I went to my doctor's appointment and we discussed alot of stuff.  The doctor put me on bedrest until the delivery.  We talked about when and what would be best.  My specialist advised that 37 weeks would be a good time.  Because of Grayson's condition, it wouldn't matter whether I have him at 37 or 40 weeks.

Our plan is to have him around Feb. 22, 2012.  My doctor is on call that day and that puts around 38 weeks.  Patrick and I are nervous about the whole thing. We're scared because we've never had to face death with someone so close, our son.  It's not going to be easy, but it will be the closest we get to Heaven until Jesus calls us home.  I know that Patrick is going to hold me and be so strong during all of this.  He has reassured me that everything is going to be okay.  He had reminded me that God is going to take care of us.  Please pray for us in the days ahead and as we plan and get ready for this day.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Christmas Memories

The weeks have gone by too fast.  They've gone by so fast that I didn't realize that I hadn't written anything for the New Year or Christmas.

Christmas Eve, we spent time with Patrick's family and it was wonderful.  I had a bittersweet feeling inside of me because I knew that this would be Grayson's first and last Christmas.  I wanted so badly to make everything extra special for Him.  I thought he should be the focus and that we should make sure we did the same for him as if he were crawling around on the carpet.  At midnight, my mom, my brother Tye and I went to Walgreens to pick out a few things for his stocking.  As I tried to decide what would be really special, I got somewhat frustrated.  We found a box of 3 pairs of little booties, a miniature moose pillow pet, and of course a stocking with a little snowman in it.  I was somewhat excited but disappointed at the same time.

The next day morning we woke up and Ellie and Noah were super excited to see what Santa brought.  We all ran downstairs with cell phones in our hands trying to capture the joy of Christmas.  Patrick's parents came over and we had a great time opening presents and watching them ride their bike and little four wheeler.  Even though it was so wonderful to see them so thrilled about their toys, I couldn't help but think that Grayson wouldn't be apart of it next year.  I looked frequently at the little stocking on the tree that had a little gold G on it.  This time next year,  he would be crawling around and pulling up on the couch, but without a miracle I wouldn't get to see this.  After opening presents, we got ready for church.

As I thought about Mary and the birth of Jesus, I felt like I could feel what she must have felt.  She knew that God had a special plan for her son's life but knew that she was carrying someone who would be the Savior to all mankind.  I'm not comparing myself to Mary and Grayson to Jesus by any means, because we couldn't come close, obviously.  But like Mary, I would have to give up my son for a greater purpose

On Christmas morning, I sang the song Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant at church.  I'm not quite sure how I got through it without breaking down, well Jesus was definitely holding me up.  The words to this song and the meaning of Christmas were extra special and just amazing to me this year.  They meant so much more than because I was going through something so similar.

The day after Christmas, we spent time with my mom, dad, brother Jason, my sister-in-law Candace, my sister Shannon, my other brother Tye and all of my wonderful nieces and nephews.  I only get to see them once a year, so its always exciting to hang out with them and see how much the kids have grown.  We hugged and laughed and did our annual Walmart/Starbucks run.  We usually have to buy a pregnancy test for me, but not this year!! It was special and sweet, I just wanted to freeze the moment once again.  I wanted to just hold onto anything that would keep the memory of this Christmas from slipping too far away.  God knew what was going on in my mind, and He helped me get through it.