Our Miracle is Here

Our Miracle is Here
Welcome Little Angel Grayson James Walker

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Grayson's Birth

On Wednesday, February 15, 2012, Patrick, Emily, and I woke up at 4:45 a.m.  I tried to take a shower but for some crazy reason the water wouldn't get hot.  I resorted to washing my hair in the sink.  I thought that made for an interesting start to the day.  We got dressed and Patrick loaded everything into the car.  I was tired, a little anxious, and excited for what would soon happen.  I wore a pair of polka-dotted pants and a shirt with three owls that matched Ellie, Noah, and Grayson's outfits.  The shirt said Owl always love you.  We took a few last pictures of my pregnant belly.  One really important one was of Ellie and Noah's handprints.  Emily painted a canvas that matched our little outfits that said, "These are the hands that hold our hearts together."  I had more peace than I could have imagined. 

We pulled out of the driveway around 6:15 a.m. and made Patrick's daily stop for his diet coke.  He offered to get me something forgetting that I couldn't eat or drink anything.  I've always hated that part about c-sections, nothing to eat or drink or gum or anything after midnight:)  We were on our way to Methodist Germantown Hospital.   Emily put some music on and I closed my eyes and worshipped Jesus.  As we drove down the highway, the sun was rising right in front of us.  It was perfect and special.  God was opening up the sky and showing us His beauty.   I prayed for peace and comfort and anything else that He knew I would need.  I'm always anxious about surgery and hospitals, but God knew. 

We arrived to meet another one of my best friends Christina and Kelly, our friend and pastor.  I checked in at 7:25 and they took me back to my room.  I knew the drill from there.  We met all of our nurses and one of them would become a friend we'll never forget, Rachel.  I put on my gown and waited for everyone to come in.  I continued to feel the most peace I think I've ever had in my life.  My family arrived and we visited for a few minutes.  At 8:45, our photographer, Crystal Brisco arrived and we discussed a few things.  Our family came back in and we took some pictures before being wheeled back to the operating room.

At 9:30 a.m, they took me to the delivery room.  For 5 months we had been anticipating this day, and it was finally here.  The moment we had been waiting for was just minutes away.  They did all the preparations for surgery and I was just lying there.  Patrick came in and I held his hand.  After some tugging and pulling, Grayson James Walker was here.  I heard him cry and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard.  I cried and couldn't wait to see him.  They brought him around to me, and he was perfect.  We cried and held him tightly.  God was in the room, I know the angels were dancing and I felt like dancing.

They took us to the recovery room and we just stared at him and kissed him over and over.  I wanted to hold onto this moment forever.  After a little while, they brought Ellie and Noah in.  They were excited to meet their precious little brother.  For months, they had been talking to him and putting their little hands and heads on my belly.  Now he was here.  They held him and kissed him. My parents and Patrick's parents came in along with our brothers and sisters.  It was emotional for everyone because we weren't sure how long we'd have.  I felt like God was going to give me a long time.  I dressed him in his little brother outfit and Crystal took a ton of pictures with Patrick, Ellie, and Noah.  She captured so many wonderful moments that will never be forgotten.  She also got pictures with all of the grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and close friends.  I felt blessed to have him in my arms making noises and just looking at me with that little eye.  His right eye opened a little bit, but because of his skull not being completely developed his left eye stayed open. I'm not sure that Grayson could see us but I know he felt mommy's love and the love of his family.

The hours went by and Patrick and I tried to do all of the things we'd normally do.  We gave him a bath, changed a wet diaper, and continued loving on him. Our wonderful nurse Rachel helped me try to do everything that I wanted.  I tried to nurse him, but he couldn't quite get the sucking down.  I wasn't sure if he was getting anything, but when I pulled him off my breast, he cried.  Medicine says that babies with anencephaly can't see or feel or anything else for that matter.  I find that hard to believe.  He wanted to be right next to mommy's heart.  Rachel and a few of the other nurses made molds of his hands and feet. They also made a Christmas tree ornament with footprints and handprints.  The lady from Paint a Piece arrived to get his fingerprint in silver clay.

Patrick and I knew that his breathing and heart rate was slowly dropping.  He was having trouble breathing.  We knew that it was a matter of time.  After hours of crying, smiling, and holding our precious little angel we were exhausted.  Patrick crawled into the hospital bed with me and we held our little boy.  No one was in the room but us.  We would drift off to sleep and then wake suddenly.  Grayson's nurse would come in and check his breathing every so often.  Grayson continued blowing bubbles and holding on.  Patrick and I tried so hard to stay awake, but it was like God was purposely making us fall asleep so we wouldn't have to watch him in any distress.  At one point he was having difficulty and we just cried out to God and asked Him to take him.  We cried and prayed and asked Jesus to not allow him to suffer.  We prayed he would take him home.  We couldn't bare him being in any pain or having a hard time.  We fell asleep again and awoke to three or four nurses standing around us.  Our eyes opened and he took his last breath.  The nurse looked at us and said he was gone.

At 10:00 a..m., Grayson James Walker entered into our world knowing the love of his mommy and daddy.  At 5:57 p.m, he entered into the arms of Jesus knowing the love of his mommy, daddy, and Heavenly father.

48 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. What a little blessing you had come into your lives. My heart, love and prayers go out to you and your family. Heaven has gain another beautiful angel.

    We thought of you with love today,
    But that is nothing new.
    We thought about you yesterday.
    And days before that too.
    We think of you in silence.
    We often speak your name.
    Now all we have is memories.
    And your picture in a frame.
    Your memory is our keepsake.
    With which we’ll never part.
    God has you in his keeping.
    We have you in our heart.

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  3. What a precious story! My friend linked to Grayson's birth video on Facebook and I have been checking your blog daily for this story. You have glorified the Lord so much through sharing your experience. Thank you so much for doing that.
    Praying God sustains and comforts you as you grieve.

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  4. Your story is so touching and heart wrenching all the same. Praise God for the sweet blessing of such a precious little boy and for the few hours he was with you. Praying for strength and comfort as you grieve the loss of your beautiful little boy!

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  5. Thank you for sharing your story! Grayson is lucky to have such a loving family! You have done a wonderful job making so many memories in his short life. My husband and I also had a little boy with anencephaly in 1999. I was comforted by others stories and if you would like to hear our story I made a memorial page for him. Reocities.com/heartland/pines/8887/index.html

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  6. Baby Grayson is in the arms of Jesus, happy and whole! Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have touched my heart, and inspired me with your faith! You have a beautiful family and I'm positive that God is bragging about how you glorified His name, even while facing what will probably be the biggest heartache of your life. I have a son in Heaven too. My Ryan lived to be 12 and loved the Lord. Before he closed his eyes here, and found himself in the presence of God, he told us, "I saw Jesus and I'm going with Him". That one sentence has blessed us more than any other spoken in our presence. I know that you will look forward to the day that you can be with your baby boy again. My prayers are with you!

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  7. What a beautiful story! I'm so very sorry for your loss. I also lost a baby girl from anencephaly in 1992. Our little angels are watching over us from heaven. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  8. This story made me smile, cry and my heart skip a few beats. By the end of it my eyes were watering and I found myself thanking god for such a wonderful treasure and that he is now watching down on his family loving you and whispering in the wind 'I love you'

    You are so greatful to be blessed with such a beautiful soul and it will always stay in your heart.

    Hugs from canada!

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  9. God bless you and your family, it was a wonderful touching history of another child of God, thanks for these wonderful words you wrote....Bless your whole family always....Amen

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  10. My heart goes out to you both. Our little son was born with a cleft palate; no where near the pain of losing a child. But I remember even just that fraction of sadness knowing that someone you love so dearly is struggling and doesn't even know why or how. Your story brings tears to my eyes. Please take comfort in knowing that a friend in Pennsylvania is praying for you, your entire family.

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  11. I wept and sobbed while reading your blogs.My heart hurts for you and your family. Your baby boy is beautiful. You are a very strong woman and a wonderful Mother for giving your son the gift of life even if his precious time here was only for a short while. Your story is extremely inspirational and moving. Thank you so much for sharing your personal thoughts and feelings with us. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

    With lots of love,

    Brooke

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  12. With tears streaming down my face I type this.....what a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. I just stumbled across your blog from a friend of a friend....you now how facebook is. God bless you and your precious family!

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  13. Your son.. is beautiful. It broke my heart reading your story and it brought me joy the love you had for your sweet boy from the very start. It made me feel blessed that you gave this to God and let Him sort it out. Your son is touching lives... what a remarkable family you have.

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  14. My heart aches for you. I sit here, selfish, because I often ask "what more could possibly go wrong" ... Reading your story brings happiness that you chose life, and were able to spend time cuddling and loving your handsome little man. But, my heart breaks knowing that you wont have him there through the good and the bad. I hope you can find peace in your other two babies, and know that Grayson is watching over you, and enjoying watching his brother and sister smile. Thank you for sharing your story. You definitely inspire me to remember the good in life.

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  15. This is such a wonderful, sad, and blessed story. I'm so happy you had some time with him before he went to see Jesus.

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  16. I've always known that God has a reason for everything but it wasn't until right now... hearing about, researching & reading some more about your story that I feel it in my heart once again. A big argument in the pro-life, pro-choice debate has to do with just this and as a Christian, I have to admit that I've always leaned towards pro-choice but knowing this story... seeing God's hand at work... seeing how many people this part of your journey has touched - not just in the church bubbles but in mainstream media, I can't help but fall at the feet of Jesus and surrender to His sovereignty over every aspect of *life*. Though I've read of those moments when you feel the strength and comfort of God's hands on your heart, I pray for a sustained and lasting comfort and to know - to truly know that little Grayson did more in his 8 hours of life than many of us could hope to do in a lifetime and that God chose your family to display His love in such a beautiful and passionate way. Grayson was a beautiful baby and I pray for blessings upon blessings on your family. Thank you for sharing your story and for the obedience, strength & honesty you've showed on your journey. It really is such a testament to not just God's sovereignty over our lives but His everlasting love. It's a rare display to witness in this world so thank you and thank you Grayson. The word that's impressed on me is "living sacrifice". May God bring healing to your hearts.

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  17. Grayson James Walker, how blessed you are to have so many people to love you. In the short time on this earth you were surrounding by more love than many children ever feel. You should be so very proud of your Mom and Dad. Knowing that their time on earth with you was limited they approached it with a brave heart for everyone there. They approached it with a sense of life and not of foreboding death. I don't know your parents but I would like you to know that you would be so very proud of them. I believe what your parents did will help many.

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  18. Thank you for sharing your son's story. What a beautiful gift you were chosen for. Sending hugs and prayers for your family.

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  19. Thank you for sharing this touching story of your personal loss.

    May all beings have happiness.
    May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
    May all beings never be separated from blissful joy.
    May all beings abide in equanimity without attachment or aversion.

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  20. I am so sorry for your loss. You are an amazing and strong woman for continuing to carry such a precious gift knowing you would only have him for a short time. I am sure many people had negative opinions, but I know that your little boy, who is the obky one that matters, is grateful to you for giving him that gift of life. I know that one day you will be reunited with him. What a blessed day that will be. Thank you for sharing yiur strength.

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  21. Of course your little son felt you, and knew you, and felt your love and care for him. May God hold him for you until you can meet again, and may life be sweet and filled with joy for you until then. Lots of hugs from a mom that would have made the same choice.

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  22. You have to be one of the strongest women I have not had the pleasure of meeting! I read your story and cried horribly! As a mother of 3 with another on the way I can't imagine what you felt before during and even now but i admire your devotion to God and how you so openly spread his word inside of such a beautiful story! God bless you and your family!!!

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  23. i'm sorry for your lost reading your story and i'm in tears .. and you are right he's with god right now god bless you and your family

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  24. Oh heather..... I'm so sorry for the loss of Grayson my heart aches for you and your family xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo I lost my baby boy James at 23 weeks gestation he had spinabifida and was born sleeping I am so greatful that you got to make Jose memory's with him the day he was born so very important this I know Jamesvwas born sleeping but I got to have the day with him and lots of pictures to cherish forever I don't think I woul have been able to get through it as best I could with out that time with him I true to find you on FB but there is a lot of heather walkers lol I just wanted to let u know I'm thinking of you and your family and Grayson <3 always loved never forgotten <3

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  25. I read your story and was incredibly touched. I am so sorry for your family's loss, and admire your strength and devotion to God. Your precious boy is a beautiful angel in Heaven and will forever watch over you, your husband and your children. I am praying for all of you and you will make it though all of the tough times ahead with your continued devotion, grace and class. God Bless you and your family.

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  26. God Bless your family. You have an angel in heaven, and you will meet again one day. I know it has to be hard to share this story, but thank you.

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  27. Your strength and acceptance is an inspiration.
    I buried my 3 week old son on Saturday morning and am struggling to make it all make sense, but your words have brought comfort.
    Thank you.

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    1. I'm sorry ACS for your loss, will be praying for you and your family also. God bless you and stay strong.

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  28. I am sitting in my dining room crying my heart out for you and your family. Your family's faith and love is amazing to me. Thank you for sharing this difficult situation with such beauty and poise. I am 40, have fertility issues and I have always wondered what would be worse, to have a baby taken from me, or to never have been able to have one at all. I still don't know. My heart and my prayers are with you all. God bless. Jamie in Wyoming

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  29. You are an amazing woman! Thanks for sharing your story, it has touched me and many others. You are a truly inspirational person. My prayers are with Grayson and your beautiful family. God bless your heart. Sincerely, Karen.

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  30. Dear Family...I just read this beautiful story and can't believe the amount of strength it must have taken you to write this all down. I am in tears for your loss and pray that your pain, sorrow and grieving lessens with time. I shall never forget this story, your family or Sweet, handsome Grayson. This is an amazing story of God's Grace and His ability to give us only what we can handle. God bless you and your family.

    I found your blog after reading about what happened with Facebook. God does work in mysterious ways and there is no accident that millions of people will now get to know your story, you and your son.

    Sincerely, Cindy in AZ.

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  31. Amém!! it´s so beautyful that´s you all the time glorifies God!! God bless you and all your familie, he has a big plan n your life, and Jesus take care of you too, yu are right God will work in ppls life right now even in my. My Sincerely condoleces, and I´ll pray for you get more peace in your heart.
    Shamya in Norway

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  32. I came across this as it was shared on a Dutch site. I read and saw the pictures and ventured over here to your blog to show some respect.
    What others do not know or understand they fear.
    What did I see? I saw to brave parents you went to the end, to show their sons that they loved him every minute, every second he was with them. Knowing is would be a sad road to walk, it was a very muched loved one indeed.
    Grayson was a lucky little boy to have been able to spend 8 rich hours filled with love.
    I am happy to read that FB have apoligized. After having several miscarriages in a year time We could finally welcome our son to the world and show off his big sister holding him. They aren't clean pictures either. But hey are full of love and gratefulness and I can only imagine how you felt when FB removed your photo's.
    I hope in time everything has found it place and know that Grayson's time on earth was well spent and left a mark on us all.

    Helen in Holland

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  33. Heather,

    I have been so moved by your story,my first son was born on January 3rd and to read what you and your family went through made me fall in love with Greyson.

    Me and my family live in Peru, South America.... you son has touched our lived in so many ways..... 8 beautiful hours by your side... and you were right.. the Lord had a purpose for him. He has reached around the world and made himself known.... he has showed everyone that the power of love and faith can conquer all.
    His short time will be long lived.

    I send to you and James Patrick all the love from our family. Greyson will be in our prayers.

    From South America..... The Gonzales Family.

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  34. Very touching. I loved how you all did family things and gave Greyson love and comfort of family. Thank you for a wonderful post. Greyson was and always will be beautiful. I may have not known Greyson but I will always remember him and his story and he will always be in my heart just as he is in yours. I may not know you but you are truly a wonderful family.

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  35. I can't stop crying my eyes out. You are a very strong woman. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Greyson was just adorable!

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  36. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have a beautiful family and a beautiful son. I know you will be together with him again. Thank you so much. You are an inspiration to us all. "Glory be to the Father." Thanks again.

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  37. What a strong woman you are. Thank you for sharing your strength with us all. Praying for you and your family.

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  38. My heart is broken for your loss. But I am so blessed by your beautiful spirit. What an amazing woman of God you are. Thank you for sharing your story and your beautiful family with us. God bless you all!

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  39. This is an incredible journey. You should be so proud of the incredible Mother, wife and person you are.

    Instead of focusing on the hurt you would feel to lose your baby boy, you focused on the miracle you were giving him by allowing him to feel love and life for even a few short hours. You gave him something I don't think I'd be strong enough to handle.

    You are an inspiration.

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  40. You and your family are an amazing blessing.. God only gives us what we can handle, and he uses everyone of us for his purpose..
    I read this at exactly the moment I needed to, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart...

    May God bless you...

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  41. Your family is in our prayers . Your family is so amazing . I read your blog and can see you all have so much love and that time you where pregnant to when you had your so to when he went to be with the angels you showed so much love and heart . You gave him a day to remember . God bless you all ..

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  42. My sweet Meliah (like Maria with an L) was born on 2.17.2014...we almost lost us both...I am not normally someone who prays-at least often; I was praying to Him, my family that had passed...whatever is His plan; it must've been for us to keep her in our arms-I'm so thankful to say that I am holding her in my arms now...while first seeing your video on fb of all places, thesome research of your handsome man, coming to your blog here...thank you, thank you for having the strength and courage to share your story with all of us...thank you for sharing your grief, pain, struggles, heartache...and thank you so much for sharing your strength and devotion to God and His reasons for Grayson's birth and passing...you and your family are true survivors and I jut wanted you to know how much you touched my heart...my life...as I sobbed, literally out loud while reading this post, I hugged my babies a lil close...sending you love, patience, health and strength...always~Jenn

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  43. Wow...what an amazingly beautiful post! The love you have for little Grayson is tangible- what a beautiful reunion in heaven you will all have!! Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story!

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  44. God bless you and your courage, strength and faith. Grayson was and always will be, a powerful blessing.

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  45. Please contact 3108749119 if you or your husband or family been in military this look like hidden case depleted uranium child. I am sorry for your loss knowing this has nothing to do with god or Jesus it happen all over Iraq and Iran and all images are banned

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