Memorial Day

Today was a blast! Ellie, Shannon, Ruth Ann, mom, and I went out for a girl's day.  Today was mom's ...birthday so we did a little shopping.  One of my latest projects it to make flower arrangements for my brother Tye's wedding.  We finally found the right flowers, now I just have to make them look beautiful in a tin can, lol.  It sounds unique, but it looks really pretty.  So after a stop to Garden Ridge, we went to TJ Max, one of my favorite places!  I tried on a few swimsuits, and finally picked a solid black one.  I must mention, I don't enjoy swimsuit shopping.  Its been five years since I've tried one on.  While venturing through the store, Ellie discovered a pack of baby bottles.  She is so fascinated, or should I say obsessed with baby things.  While I was looking through the toddler clothes, she discovered how take the bottle apart and play with it.  I quickly told her to put it back in the box.  She replied, "Mommy, I want to get this for Grayson.  Can we come back and get it for him another day? We need to tell Jesus to come to the hospital and take the bottle to Heaven with Him." I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating but I'm not.  She talks about her brother all the time, and many times, its' all I can do to keep from crying.  It's bittersweet.  We went to a few other places and finally stopped at Michaels to pick out some flowers for Grayson's vase.  We chose red, white, and blue carnations and some really cute sparkly sticks with flags.  The bouqet was perfect for my perfect little angel.  This memorial day was one I'll never forget I'm sure. We made memories that will last a life time. We will never forget.

Much needed Apology

Just a few days ago,  I posted a picture of my precious baby boy without his hat on.  Some wonder why it took me so long to post it.  Here is my answer: I was tired of trying to hide my son, the way he was, just to make others feel comfortable.  I felt like people would be scared or offended because his head didn't look like other babies.  A sudden impulse, in my grieving process, told me to be proud and not worried about the thoughts of others.  So, with one click, the photo of Grayson was posted.

The next morning after posting his picture, I had a huge box on my screen that said the "content" had been deleted.  Already feeling down and defeated, I became furious.  What "content" were they referring to? My son, Grayson James Walker, was considered to be something bad enough to delete!! I was offended, hurt beyond measure, and just angry.  I told Patrick about it and immediately posted a comment about my frustration.

At that moment, I had no idea what was about to happen.  I was just voicing my frustration, but it erupted into something so much bigger.!! I'm so glad it did.  Why? I was able to share the most precious gift of life with thousands upon thousands of people who would have never known him otherwise.  What satan meant for evil, God meant for so much good.  A baby boy, imperfect in the world's eyes, touched the lives of people all over the globe.   For this mistake on facebook's behalf, I've been able to share what God had intended in the first place.  This avenue, through media and such has raised awareness to anencephaly and quite simply the importance of choosing life.  For life is precious, and God's most precious gift.

After being interviewed by local news and our story and frustration being shared across the globe, I wondered if facebook would apologize.  That's all I wanted, an apology.  I didn't want to sue them, I just wanted them to allow me to do what I feel my right is...to share my baby boy with everyone else.

So today, after reading email after email, I saw it...an email from facebook. The email was an apology about removing his photo.   It made mine and Patrick's day and took the burden of offense off our shoulders.  That was never our intention in the first place.

Forget me Not

Today marks three months and one days since we said hello and goodbye to Grayson.. You'd think it'd get easier with time, but I would disagree, or right now anyways.  I miss him more than ever.  I see all the pictures of other friends babies and wonder what he would look like.  There is a place in my heart that is missing.  I don't want Grayson to be forgotten. I want his life to always be remembered.  He was a servant, God's little servant.  He was in my arms briefly and I just wish I could go back to that day.  I wish I could remember ever detail. As I was watching Private Practice last night, I was taken back to that day for a moment.  Amelia, one of the doctors, had a baby with anencephaly.  As she voiced what she was feeling that day, I too can relate.  I remember lying in the hospital bed wondering if he was going to be alive or how long he was going to live.  I wondered what he was going to look like.  So many thoughts rushed through my brain that Wednesday morning.  Of course he was perfect and fought for 8 hours.  He was so beautiful and sweet.  His whimpers are engrained in my mind and heart. It was the sweetest noise.  As I watched the show, I saw every little thing about the baby that reminded me of Grayson.