Blessings

God takes us through things that seem impossible.  When we're going through something that we've never faced, of course we wonder why.  We wonder why now, why me, why?  Patrick and I are going through something that we never thought we'd have to face.  We've seen people go through the loss of a child but never experienced it and never thought we would.

Patrick was supposed to start seminary, I was starting a new job at a new school, and we found out that we were pregnant.  So many new changes were happening all at once.  Not long after Patrick made the decision to start school, he lost his job.  What are we going to do?  Patrick was enrolled to start seminary and now didn't have job.  We were also expecting a baby.  Lord, we are being obedient and doing what we believe you've called us to do.  Four days before Patrick was supposed to start seminary, we realized that we couldn't afford his school because my insurance payments were so expensive.

At that point, we were discouraged and wondered if we were making the right decision.  Should he have gone to school anyways, not knowing where the money was going to come from?  One month later,  we received the news that would change our lives forever.  Our son, Grayson, would be born with anencephaly, fatal neural tube defect.  As everything seemed to be spiraling in a downward motion, we questioned what God was doing.  Patrick had just found a new job a little over a month before we found out about Grayson.   Why now?   Why this season?  We were being obedient and wanted God's will for our life.  Now, it was no seminary, difficult time at new school, and a baby that won't survive very long after birth....

How could so many beautiful, wonderful changes be turned upside down in an instant?  At this point, we felt scared.  Lord, were we not obedient through Patrick not going to seminary even though the funds weren't there.  Did we do something wrong to deserve a baby that had no chance of survival?  We love children and wanted to have this baby for a long time...God why us?  Can't you change your mind?  Grayson is our precious little boy and we want to raise him to know you and serve you.  All of these things continued to weigh on our minds.

As the months have gone by,  God has revealed some things.  We were chosen for this special season with this special little boy..Grayson James Walker.  Even though this journey hasn't been easy, we know that God still has a plan.  He continues using people to love on us and bless us everyday.  There is so much more I could say, but all I know is that God is working.

These lyrics come from a really special song that I sang at church about Blessings.  The irony of this is that I sang not very long before this all happened.

"Blessings"  by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe


'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights Are Your mercies in disguise